Dealing with Feelings and Emotions: The SCARF Framework
When strong feelings come up in the workplace, it is helpful to first acknowledge those feelings before moving to problem solving. The SCARF framework developed by David Rock is a practical way to identify and address the common triggers that cause emotional reactions. Once this is accomplished, you and your counterpart will be better able to move forward in a collaborative manner and engage in problem solving.
SCARF names five common triggers that shape our interactions:
Status: “Am I respected and valued here?”
Certainty: “Do I understand what’s happening and what comes next?”
Autonomy: “Do I have any choice or control?”
Relatedness: “Am I safe with these people—are we ‘on the same side’?”
Fairness: “Is this process consistent and equitable?”
Most emotions that come up can be traced back to at least one of these triggers and sometimes more. The next time you witness an emotional reaction, aim to identify which triggers might be at play. And then try to acknowledge the concern, even if you don’t necessarily agree with it.
For example, a seemingly simple conversation about changing deadlines or deliverables may lead to an outburst from your colleague in a meeting. Rather than telling them to ‘calm down’ (that NEVER works), reflect internally: is their Autonomy or Certainty trigger feeling pushed? How could I address this?
To address it, you may say something like: “It appears you were surprised by this change and that it may not work for you. Let’s figure out what would help this work for you and what timing would set you up for success….”.
Regardless of which trigger it is (and there can be more than one), recognizing this and adapting how you engage next is more effective than ignoring it altogether.
Lastly, this can be an effective tool for self-awareness and emotional regulation. The next time you have an emotional reaction to something, you may wish to ask yourself if one of your triggers may have been pushed.
You can even take a free self-assessment to identify your main triggers. Remember, knowing is half the battle!
The DIII-D Ombuds Resource
Please remember that the MWI Ombuds Team is here to support you in thinking through challenging interactions and situations and can help you consider a range of options for how you might want to proceed. You can read more about our confidential, informal services here.
Contact one of the ombuds below for more information.
Alnoor Maherali (alnoor-ombuds@mwi.org and 848-456-8080) is a highly-skilled ombuds, mediator, trainer, and consultant with MWI. He offers 20 years of experience working in conflict zones, in the not-for-profit sector, and as a practitioner in the fields of diplomacy, mediation, human rights, and crisis management. His personal and professional travels have taken him to over 50 different countries, making him especially adept at navigating cultural, ethnic, and racial conflicts and differences. Alnoor resides in New York City and mediates for MWI, Venn Mediation, the Office of the United Nations Ombudsman and Mediation Services (UNOMS), and the New York Peace Institute (NYPI). He coaches and mentors the next generation of mediators at Harvard, Yale, and The Fletcher School of Law and Diplomacy. Alnoor also provides training and coaching on negotiation, collaboration, and difficult conversations through MWI and Vantage Partners. His professional accomplishments include the negotiation of resolutions at the United Nations in Geneva and New York, the sharing of best practices in disaster response and civil-military coordination with the Government of Brazil, and important roles in the resolution of two high-profile kidnapping cases in Afghanistan. Additionally, he has demonstrated a strong commitment to the community, volunteering with Hospice Care Ottawa for 12 years and serving on their Board of Directors for four. Alnoor has a Bachelor of Science (Honors) in Mathematics from Queen’s University in Canada and a Master’s in Public Administration from the Harvard Kennedy School in the US. He was trained by the International Ombuds Association in the Foundations of Organizational Ombuds Practice course. Schedule a time to talk with Alnoor by sending an email to alnoor-ombuds@mwi.org or by calling 848-456-8080.
Lexi Wolfe (lexi-ombuds@mwi.org and 828-419-0082) is an experienced conflict resolution and organizational ombuds practitioner with over a decade of experience helping organizations and individuals address conflicts, improve communication, and strengthen collaboration. Most recently, she served as the Acting Director of the U.S. Department of Energy (DOE) Office of the Ombudsman after serving as an Associate Ombuds from 2019 to 2025. In this role, she provided ombuds services across the DOE complex, helping senior leaders, management teams, and individuals navigate and address the root causes of conflict and increase conflict management skills through extensive training and coaching. Previously, she served as an Ombudsman Specialist at the Transportation Security Administration (TSA), helping mitigate the of workplace conflict through early, informal resolution. Lexi played a key role in launching and managing the U.S. Small Business Administration’s (SBA) Conflict Resolution Center, which provides confidential, informal, and neutral conflict resolution services, including mediation, facilitation, and coaching. She also interned with the U.S. Department of Justice Community Relations Service, helping de-escalate multi-party community conflicts. Before transitioning to the conflict resolution field, Lexi worked as a management consultant helping private sector and nonprofit clients develop strategic solutions for a range of business challenges. Lexi holds a Master of Science in Negotiation & Conflict Resolution from Columbia University and a Bachelor of Arts in Journalism and Mass Communications from the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill. She is certified as an Organizational Ombuds Practitioner (CO-OP) by the International Ombuds Association (IOA) and as an Associate Certified Coach (ACC) by the International Coaching Federation (ICF), and she has extensive experience designing and delivering conflict resolution and communication training. Schedule a time to talk with Lexi by sending an email to lexi-ombuds@mwi.org or by calling 828-419-0082.
