The Top 10 Negotiation Tips for Women in the Workplace
By Chuck Doran and Stephanie Bailey
Women struggling in the workplace is by no means a new topic. With Sheryl Sandberg’s best-selling book, Lean In, movements such as “Ban Bossy,” and social media campaigns advocating “He For She,” there have been initiatives from men and women in recent years to address women-in-the-workplace issues. In 2010, women made up roughly 47 percent of the workforce, but today, some women still struggle with negotiation, an important part of everyday work life that spans all industries.
Much of the research surrounding women and negotiation is specific to negotiating salaries, which may explain, in part, the wage earnings gap between men and women. Linda Babcock and Sara Laschever, co-authors of the book Women Don’t Ask: Negotiation and the Gender Divide, found that 20 percent of adult women will never negotiate regardless of the setting, and men will initiate negotiations about four times more frequently than women. A 2014 Business Insider article compiled a list of the most common and worst stereotypes women face in the workplace, and three of the stereotypes may directly influence women’s negotiation skills:
1) Women are judged more harshly when voicing their opinions;
2) Women are expected to have good “soft” skills; and
3) Women are perceived as naturally more weak than their male counterparts.
Sheryl Sandberg’s book and Joan William’s article for the Huffington Post each discuss the “tightrope” women must walk where they cannot be too feminine (for fear of ruining a deal) or too masculine (for fear of coming off as aggressive and disagreeable). It’s a difficult line to walk, and it is leaving women at a disadvantage.
Fortunately, despite these findings, there remains tremendous opportunity for women in the workplace and in their negotiations. Women may negotiate less or enjoy it minimally (if at all), but in a 2014 Pew Research Center survey, 73 percent of participants saw no difference between men and women negotiating profitable deals. Additionally, in a political setting, 25 percent of survey respondents feel that women are better at standing up for their beliefs than men. This statistic, combined with years of research indicating women deeply value relationships and are strong at representative negotiating, means women likely have the foundation for strong negotiation skills.
Here’s a list of the top ten strategies we have gathered to help women refine their negotiation skills and feel more confident at the table:
1) Do your research
This goes for anyone entering negotiation talks, regardless of gender, but women sometimes have a difficult time articulating persuasively what they want and why they should get it. When negotiating salary, find out the range for that job and where you should end up based on prior experience. William Ury and Roger Fisher in Getting to Yes advocate for knowing your BATNA (Best Alternative to a Negotiated Agreement) or what you can get for yourself on your own if you don’t reach agreement with your counterpart. Knowing your BATNA before entering a negotiation allows you to feel confident walking away from an unrealistic or unacceptable offer.
2) Know your worth
This tip came up in a number of articles on negotiation for both men and women. Men generally overestimate their worth or competence and women generally underestimate their worth or competence. Before sitting down at the table, remind yourself of what you have done in your career or in your specific position with the company and do not assume that those at the table have seen or reviewed your resume. What skills do you have? What special projects have you led? This adds value to you which will help justify your requests. Think of knowing your worth as another piece of the research process.
3) Visualize success
It’s hard to come out on top if you enter the room with a pessimistic attitude. Just as athletes visualize winning a game or crossing the finish line, you should picture yourself entering the room confidently and leaving the table satisfied. By this point, you have done your homework and practiced what you will say, so do not allow negative energy to interfere with success.
4) Negotiate in person
Perhaps with today’s technology it seems more convenient and less frightening to negotiate via email, but research finds that miscommunication is more likely to take place over email. In a study testing sarcasm, only 56 percent of participants reading emails were able to tell when sarcasm was being used, but they predicted they were right about 90 percent of the time. With women already sometimes being perceived as aggressive, rude, and cold, it is safest not to risk negotiating via a questionable medium. When possible, negotiate in person.
5) Avoid using a range
This is an easy mistake to make, especially for women who do not want to be seen as pushy. If you’re negotiating a salary and ask for between $80,000 and $85,000, the person on the other end of the negotiation hears the lower number. In his/her mind, you are willing to work for $80,000. So why would (s)he pay you $85,000? Instead, use your research to come up with a specific number you’re interested in. Researchers at Columbia Business School found that people who used a specific number (say $84,750) were more likely to get what they wanted because employers assumed the applicant had done extensive research into the market.
6) Play to your strengths
Do not try to negotiate like a man when you can play on your own strengths as a woman. Women are known for valuing relationships, standing up for their beliefs, and exploring opportunities. These are not bad traits to have when negotiating! Women typically ask more questions and therefore, they usually have a better relationship with their “opponent” and know more information. Dale Carnegie wrote in his best-selling book, How to Win Friends and Influence People, about encouraging others to talk about themselves in order to make them like you and letting them do a great deal of the talking in a conversation in order to win them over. These tactics are highly congruent with negotiations because your counterparty is less likely to approach the negotiation negatively and (s)he may lay some of the cards on the table.
7) Negotiate as if you were representing someone else (even, and especially, if you aren’t)
This jumps off of the idea of playing to your strengths. Women are known to be better at “representative negotiating,” or negotiating on behalf of others. Perhaps this comes from a maternal instinct or a relationship-centric mindset, but women should use it to their advantage. Selena Rezvani, author of the book PUSHBACK: How Smart Women Ask– And Stand Up– For What They Want, suggests thinking of a negotiation in terms of negotiating for all of the women in the office, especially the ones in the lower ranks of management. In the same vein, consider reframing your negotiation as a negotiation for women everywhere, or for your daughter, niece, friend, etc. When negotiations are thought of from this fresh perspective, it helps subdue the feelings of guilt or greed that sometimes accompany women in negotiations.
8) Don’t quit!
Not every negotiation is going to go smoothly or end the way you had hoped; don’t let one negotiation stop you! Use it as a learning experience and try again. Every negotiation is an opportunity build your negotiation skills for the next time.
9) Practice, Practice, Practice
Practice your negotiation skills as much as possible. You will only get better with time, and negotiations certainly are not easy and the skills likely do not come naturally to you. In fact, it may feel awkward to talk about yourself; so much so practice what you will say so you can say it with confidence. Seek out negotiations whenever possible to frequently put your skills to work. Try out new tactics to find what works with your own personal style. Soon, it will start feeling and sounding more natural.
10) Never be afraid to walk away
This comes back to Getting to Yes‘ idea of the BATNA. In today’s economy it can seem foolish to negotiate a salary when you’ve been offered a job in the first place, but studies show that 57 percent of men are still negotiating their salaries. Whether you’re negotiating a salary, contract, or settlement, know that you don’t have to accept an offer if it isn’t what you need or expect.
These tips all work together to make you a better negotiator. Some of the information was generalized and of course does not apply to all women everywhere, and many of these ideas can be applied to men as well. To learn even more tips for negotiating, consider taking a negotiation training or read more of the books and/or links referenced in this article. Happy negotiating!
Chuck Doran (cdoran@mwi.org) and Stephanie Bailey (sbailey@mwi.org) can be reached at MWI, a negotiation and mediation firm in Boston.
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